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A grave sin

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A grave sin

Post  janope on Mon May 30, 2011 3:14 pm

I have committed a grave sin as a muslim. I have indulged myself in sexual contact which i highly regret. I am a teenager, and i'm extremely scared of the time when i am getting married. Will i be able to tell my future husband of what i have done? Will he accept me for it? After knowing, will he shame me infront of my family. Don't get me wrong, i don't know who i am marrying, but i'm just thiking towards the future, when it will be the time when i will marry, what do you suggest for me?

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Post  janope on Mon May 30, 2011 3:16 pm

I would appreciate if women or men private message me if they feel hey cannot answer publicly

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Re: A grave sin

Post  Guest on Wed Jun 08, 2011 3:55 am

Although, I didn't want to send this message publicly. But the forum is not allowing me to send you a personal message. A little ago I was searching in google for some ISLAMIC forum. Among those results I saw your post and I really felt sorry for what you have done. So, I registered myself on this forum only to post a reply. We all know that Shaytan is always there to make us indulged in such illicit actions which are punishable by ALLAH.And every man commits mistakes knowingly or unknowingly. However, the wise is the one who repents immediately after doing some sin. It is a good sign that you felt ashamed for what you have done and 'feeling ashamed' after committing a sin is also a form of 'Istighfar'. So, you are already moving on the right track.... May ALLAH give keep you steadfast. I would like to suggest you to make a sincere 'Tauba' that you won't do this thing again in your life no matter what happens. And ask ALLAH that He will help you in strengthening your faith in Him. I will also remember you in my prayers. INSHALLAH!
As for as the second part is concerned whether your husband will accept you or not. Then I cannot say what his response would be. Therefore, the first thing that you should do is that you just forget about it and never mention it before anyone not before your friends or even to yourself. With time every man forgets what happens in past. Instead of reflecting upon what has happened, you should rather spend your time in Prayers and reading Quran and talking to ALLAH in your heart all the time. Because when you have ALLAH, you have everything. And you can resolve all your problems by praying to ALLAH ALMIGHTY. If you pray sincerely then ALLAH is all powerful and is not bound by resources to arrange a good husband for you who will keep you happy and will accept you as the way you are. But for that you should make yourself pious enough so that you can get a pious better half. Since in ISLAMIC teachings for good men there are good women and for good women there are good men. So, to have a good and understanding husband you should first work on yourself so that ALLAH blesses you with the kind of person who is best for you.
Hope it helps in your problem.
With my best prayers!
Assalam Alaikum!
(Whatever I said, its all on my judgement, I am by no means a scholar of ISLAM. For further clarifications or details the scholars should be consulted.)

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Re: A grave sin

Post  hamza81 on Fri Jun 10, 2011 4:30 am

janope wrote:I would appreciate if women or men private message me if they feel hey cannot answer publicly

Asalaamu Alaikum, My sister it is clear that you deeply regret your past actions and you must continue to repent, beg and cry to Allah for forgiveness for what you have done especially in the latter portions of the night.

You must always go through marriage in the right manner and involve your wali as this will give you peace and blessings in your pursuit for marriage and you will gain a good and pious man.

My sister there is no doubt the more practicing you are the more chance no one will ever know of your past as no one would ever think you were with a man. A man looking for marriage has a right to know about a womens past but if he does ask then you do not have to give him any details but just to say whatever has happened in the past has made me who i am today but Allah has given me guidance. From that it is upto him if he wants to continue with it or not. But if he were to ask after marriage then nothing has to be said to him because if he wanted to know then he should have asked before mariage.

Most likely a man would not assume or ask such a thing to a practising women. Also ask of Allah to keep your past sins hidden. Replace your sins with good deeds and always repent and thank Allah.

Never even think to ever get to know a guy without a mahram involved as you would never want past mistakes to repeat themselves as there is no doubt when two non mahrams are together then shaythan is third party.

My sister we need to realise how limited our life really is so how can we really be sure that we will live until tomorrow. We have a 50% chance of dying at any moment and 50% is a huge chance of dying yet we live everyday like we will live forever in this world but we are asleep and so heedless. We do so much for this world and gain wealth, propertys and various other investments but if we die the next day then will this wealth and assets accompany us? The ONLY thing that will come with us is our good deeds. Our good deeds will be our companions in the grave and in the hereafter because they will be there for us when we REALLY need them the most, whereas what we gained in this world will leave us at the point of death.

So is it wise to spend our whole lives working for this world in expense of the next? Are we going to be here for that long that we should do so much for this world and neglect our final destination?

The succession of the night and day teach us an important lesson about this life; what goes will never come back again. This lesson is only understood by the wise people and leads them to invest all of their time in useful things as they realise that these times will never come back again. Once each second, minute, hour and day is gone it will NEVER come back. Yet our seconds go by and we do not even bother to ensure we make the best of how we spend them.

Rasulallah (Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam) urged us to use our time in a useful way when he said: “Grab five things before five others: your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your wealth before your poverty, your leisure before your work, and your life before your death.” (Al-Hakim)

He also indicated that we are to be asked about these times and how we invested them in the judgment day. Rasulallah (Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “A servants two feet will not move on the Day of Judgement until he is questioned about four (things): His youth, how he spent it, his knowledge, how he acted upon it, his wealth, how he earned it and how he spent it and his body, how he used/wasted it.” ( Al-Tirmidhi)

Worship in ones youth is the best worship that one will do in all of ones lifetime and this is because of the fact that this is the time that one will have the most desires and this is the time when one has passion, drive, determination and energy. The youth must use all of these things in wanting to spend their time pleasing Allah and doing those actions which will benefit them forever and NOT wasting their time in useless talk or meetings and especially on social networks on the internet and video games all of which are of no benefit to one in this world or the next.

So for the youth it is even more crucial NOT to waste ones youth on useless pursuits but in the worship of Allah so that one can be raised on the day of judgement as one who spent their youth in the worship of Allah.

So, whoever used his time for the benefits and pleasures of this life will regret after he died and his remorse will be very great at two times:

When he is dying he will wish that he is given another chance or extension to his life so that he may do good as Allah says:

In Falsehood will they be Until, when death comes to one of them, he says: “O my Lord! send me back (to life),- In order that I may work righteousness in the things I neglected.” By no means! It is but a word he says. Before them is a Partition till the Day they are raised up. (23:99-100)

The key to success in this life and the next is making the hereafter the MOST important thing to us and making it our main focus. If we constantly keep the hereafter as our main focus everyday of our lives and strive as much as we can everyday to ensure that each second is spent on building up our hereafter then we will not go wrong inshallah.

Ibn Masood said: “I have never regretted anything as a day spent of my life without doing good deeds.”

How many days have we had like this where we have completely wasted them? On the day of judgement we would want to go back so that we could gain the HUGE rewards that are available just for saying Subhanallah!

Bilal ibn ass’d once said: if we are asked: ‘‘do you want to die?’’, we answer ‘‘No’’; and if we are asked ‘‘why?’’ we reply ‘‘in order to repent ad do good deeds’’. However if it’s said to us ‘‘Ok then do good deeds’’ we say: ‘‘Yes I will do’’; we keep working for this life everyday and postponing working for the hereafter.

We CANNOT afford to waste a single second in this life wasting it on that which will give us no benefit in this world or the next. Once our focus becomes the hereafter then NOTHING else will matter. Even things that we do in this world like work, study, look after and provide for family, parents, wife children etc will be like worship for us because we will do them for the pleasure of Allah. Even going to the toilet can be a worship if done in accordance with the Sunnah. Our WHOLE life from sleeping, eating, going to sleep and even breathing can become reward and worship with the right intentions so let us not waste a second more.

In the hereafter, when people are rewarded according to their deeds in this life, he wishes if he can go back to this life so he can do good deeds as he has experienced the hardness of punishment. Allah says:

They will say: “Our Lord! Twice hast Thou made us without life, and twice hast Thou given us Life! Now have we recognized our sins: Is there any way out (of this)?” (40:11)

Qatadah said regarding the last verse: By Allah, they don’t wish to go back to their families or clans, to get more of the pleasure of life, or to spend and fulfill their desires. Rather, they wished to return in order to perform and do acts of obedience to Allah - the Almighty -; God have mercy on those who do, in this life, the same good deeds and act of obedience that the unbeliever will wish to do when they meet the punishment in the Judgment Day.

Allah Also says:

But warn them of the Day of Distress, when the matter will be determined: for (behold,) they are negligent and they do not believe! (19:39)

Ibn Kathir provided the following translation for the latter verse:

(And warn them of the Day of grief and regrets) warn the creation of the Day of Distress.

(When the case has been decided) when the people of Paradise and the people of Hell will be sorted out, and everyone will reach his final abode which he was destined to remain in forever.

(While (now) they are) today, in the present life of this world.

(In a state of carelessness) with the warning of the Day of grief and regret, they are heedless.

(And they believe not) meaning they do not believe that it is true.


Imam Ahmad narrted that Abu Sa`id said that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “When the people of Paradise enter Paradise and the people of the Hellfire enter the Hellfire, death will be brought in the form of a handsome ram and it will be placed between Paradise and the Hellfire.” Then, it will be said, “O people of Paradise, do you know what this is?” Then, they will turn their gazes and look, and they will say, “Yes, this is death.”' Then, it will be said, “O people of the Hellfire, do you know what this is?”' Then, they will turn their gazes and look, and they will say, “Yes, this is death.” Then, the order will be given for it to be slaughtered and it will be said, “O people of Paradise, eternity and no more death, O people of Hellfire, eternity and no more death.” Then the Messenger of Allah recited the previous Ayah; then, the Messenger of Allah made a gesture with his hand and said: “The people of this life are in the state of heedlessness of this life.”

Let us get ourselves out of this heedless state that we are in and let us make our ONLY focus the hereafter so that EVERYTHING we do we do to please Allah. Before we do any action we should just stop and think to ourselves "Is this action going to be of any benefit to me in the hereafter"? If it is not then let us do that which WILL be of benefit to us. This brief moment of reflection will help us throughout our lives because it will prevent us from wasting our precious time and it will enable us to spend our precious seconds pleasing Allah and doing good deeds.

A clever and intelligent person realises that they have such limited time in this world and therefore each second should be spent on doing that which will benefit them in the long term as oppose to in the short term. Short term gains are what we do for this world and long term gains are what we do for the hereafter. Now if we spend our lives living for this world then we will have gains which are so short lived and after we die what will we have for eternity? Whereas if we lived this life to a minimum and spent our entire lives working for the hereafter then we will benefit FOREVER!

This world is like a dream that will end at any moment and in the next world we will wake up from this dream and that is when reality will hit us but by then it will be too late to do anything about it. Our chance to act is NOW! Therefore we CANNOT waste a second more.

Let us spend our time learning about Islam and implementing what we learn into our lives as well as teaching others what we learn as learning is the best of all worship.

Let us enjoin good and forbid evil and give as much dawah as we can inviting people to the way of Allah. Let us attend the Masjid and keep good connection with it so that we can gain a good connection with Allah. Let us keep good and pious company and disregard those who do evil as bad company is like poison for us. Let us sit with the scholars and learned people and those who remember Allah.

Let us spend our time reciting the Qur'an as every letter is so much rewards that we cannot imagine. We will be raised among the levels of Paradise until we stopped reciting the Qur'an in this world. So let us keep reciting so that we can be raised to the highest stages of Paradise. Let us also learn the meanings of what we are reading so that we can understand what Allah is telling us and so that we can implement what Allah is telling us in the Qur'an into our daily lives.

Let us perfect our characters all of the time and whatever we need to change about ourselves for the better then let us constantly work on these things.

Abu Darda (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "Nothing will be heavier on the Day of Resurrection in the Scale of the believer than good manners. Allah hates one who utters foul or coarse language.''

Let us strive to be the best towards others in conduct and let us serve our parents as much as we can as serving ones parents is better than jihad.

Let us give as much as we can to charity for the pleasure of Allah for we will regret the money we wasted and did not spend in the way of Allah.

Let us also busy ourselves in prayer and much prostrations in the for of nawafil prayers because the more we prostrate to Allah in the form of prayer then the higher our ranks will be in the hereafter.

We should always ask of Allah in dua and know that dua is the weapon of the believer and this weapon should be used as much as possible for all of our duas that are not answered in this world will be stored for us in the hereafter and when we see the reward of those duas we thought were not accepted then we will wish that NONE of our dua's were ever accepted just so that we can gain these HUGE rewards.

We should be of the appreciative and thankful and always thank Allah for everything he has given us because he has done so many favours for us that we can never imagine. Allah gives more to the thankful and increases them in blessings.

-Allah likes those who are thankful [39:7]

-Allah rewards those who are thankful [3:144]

-Allah gives more benefits and blessings to those who are thankful [14:7]

-Allah protects those from harm who render Him thankfulness [54:34-35]


Also let us be patient through trials, hardships and adversities because they will help rid us of sin and it may be that a person who went through much trials in the world would face Allah with little or no sin and imagine how lucky that person would be on a day when we will tremble for the sins we committed in the world. What a terrible day that will be. So we should spend our time in repentance and have hope in the mercy of Allah and at the same time have fear that our repentance and deeds won't be accepted. Hope and fear should always be balanced and one should not have too much hope and one should not have too much fear but strike a balance between the two.

Let us keep our tongues moist with the remembrance and glorification of Allah, How easy is it for us to utter useless words but how much will we regret when we realise that instead of all the useless talk we did in the world we we could have glorified Allah and even one glorification of Allah like Subhanallah and La ilaha ilallah gains one rewards one cannot imagine. It is just that in this world we cannot see these rewards but when we will see the rewards for ourselves on the day of judgement then we will say "Woe to me i wasted my life in useless talk when i could have been glorifying and remembering Allah."

Hadhrat Mu'az [RA] narrated Rasulallah (sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “The Inhabitants of Paradise will not be grief stricken or sorrowful about anything they did in the life of the world except for the time they spent without being in the remembrance of Allah” (Tabaraani)

We can remember Allah where ever we are no matter what we are doing and this is the best thing we can do in our lives is to constantly remain in the remembrance of Allah. If we alwyas have Allah in our hearts then we will do EVERYTHING to please him and refrain from anything that displeases him.

The Prophet of Guidance (sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) told us that remembrance of Allah is the best and the purest deed.

Abu Dardaa narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Shall I tell you of the best and purest of your deeds before your King, the one that elevates your position the most; that is better for you than meeting your enemies whose necks you strike and they also strike your necks, and better than spending gold and silver?” The companions said, “O Yes.” The Prophet (sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) then said, “Remembrance of Allaah, the Exalted.” (Ahmad, Tirmidhi and others).

My sister let us take heed and make the changes in our life NOW for tomorrow may never come and then we will regret the precious short time we have wasted in our lives on useless pursuits.

Let us think before doing any action to ensure that EVERYTING we do we do to please Allah and if it will benefit us in the hereafter then we should do it but if it will only waste our time then we should not do it.

We CANNOT put this off any longer for shaythan will always say to us "You can change after you have done this or after you have done that, You can change next week or tomorrow". But tomorrow may never come so the time to change and act is NOW!

Al-Hasan Al-Basri said: “Seek sweet happiness in three things: performing prayer, Remembering Allah, and reading the Holy Quran. If you find (delight in those three things), it is alright. But if you do not, it means that the door (to Allah’s Love and Mercy) is closed; so search for the reason.”

Another of the righteous men said, “How miserable people of the present world are! They pass away from it without having tasted the most delicious thing therein.” And when he was asked: “What is the most delicious thing therein?”, he said: “Knowing Allah, the Almighty, loving Him, and remembering Him.”

So let us strive to make the best of each second of our lives to ensure that each second is spent on pleasing Allah and each second that we waste on that which will not benefit us in the hereafter will be seconds that are wasted and seconds that we will regret FOREVER!

And Allah knows best in all matters

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